Here you go you two – these are for the aftermath – plenty more on justgofaster.com
Brake excuses:
 "I had brake fade"
 "I've still got my ABS swiched on"
 "I haven't got ABS"
 "That armco was put in a really, really silly spot"
 "I've only got AP 4-pots"
 "My brakes are rusty"
 "My front brake pads were granulating"
 "A can of Pepsi rolled under my brake pedal"
 "I thought I'd try Greenstuff pads"
 "My pads aren't up to temperature"
 "I forgot to adjust my brake limiter"
 "The bias is 3% too much to the rear for this circuit"
Suspension excuses:
 My geometry is out"
 "It's FWD, so had to fight understeer around the corners"
 "It's RWD, so had to fight oversteer around the corners"
 "It's 4WD, lots of traction but lost loads of power because of transmission losses"
 "My chrome 24s are rubbing my arches"
 "Suspension droop"
 "There is something wrong with my hubs"
 "My steering wheel is off centre"
 "My suspension is not totally spot on after that axe incident"
 "The newly fitted droplinks dropped off" -
 "I was going so fast, the fluid in my rear dampers boiled and I had to slow to back off""
 "The suspension geometry is too good"
 "The DCCD was set to open, resulting in snap oversteer"
 "MO30 suspension only allows 0.9* max negative camber"
 "I was still on 'road' settings"
 "My rear end feels wobbly"
 "I had chronic understeer caused by my 120kg passenger"
 "I felt a wobble" -
Tyre excuses:
 "My race tyres were sitting at the dealer's warehouse too long"
 "I had cold tyres"
 "My tyres were too hot"
 "Front left was 1/4psi too soft"
 "Mah spinnaz busted"
 "I've got the wrong tyres on"
 "My tyres have gone off"
 "I'm scrubbing in new tyres"
 "My tyres are too scrubbed"
 "I have Avon ZZ1's fitted"
 "I was saving my tyres"
 "Someone stole a valve cap and unbalanced the wheel"
 "My tuner couldn't get hold of LingLongs in time"
 "I was slow because my front tyres were 1psi under optimum"
 "These tyres from ebay are dangerous"
 "I ****ing hate my Michelin PS2's"
 "I saw the Evo's weaving down the straight and decided to show them how a real man warms his tyres"
The failsafe – “I was on a cool down lapâ€
Mr T's favourite "That R35 was holding me up for 1/2 the lap"
My favourite "Those f*cking minis were ganging up on me"
Have fun