You ever read the book 'Don't tell Mum I work on the Rigs, she thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehose?
It's kind of a more entertaining and (I think slightly truth stretching) version of the last 6 years of my life!
Anyway, the funniest one was when I get arrested in Moscow trying to fly to Usinsk in the Arctic. I was dropped off at the airport by the driver early. Went for a couple of bottles of Baltika. I got in line when I got approached by two armed police. They asked to check my passport. I obliged. They did the whole tut tut shaky head thing and alarm bells started to ring.....
My passport had a problem. The Visa stamps were 'No good' I believe that was all the guys could say in English. I followed them to the station. I was sat down in a cell for a 10 mins. The 'chief' came out. Spoke no English...... I asked (in russian) for them to call my office in Taganskaya Moscow and speak to the travel administrator. This fell on deaf ears. Back in the cell.
Called the chief over and asked him (again in Russian) how much he wanted to let me go. If in doubt bribe your way out was my moto! So he sits me down outside the cell and points his big automatic weapon at me. And writes $100 on it. I say no and write $50 on it..... In hindsight I think when you bribe the police you maybe shouldn't barter with them. He stands up picks up his gun and gestures to the cells. I stood up took a $100 bill out my pocket and walked out after saying 'nice to do business with you' in russian however I think I actually said 'nice to job with you... kind of killed the cool moment really!